what it says..

Have you ever felt................

God doesn't love you enough.
He didn't give the best parent for you.
He didn't give the best of best friends for you.
He didn't give the things you want.
He didn't even there when you cry every single night.
He didn't even there when your friends are leaving you alone, one by one.
He didn't even there when your parents are mad at you for the things you've done and not.
He didn't even there when you feel alone, and lonely.
God doesn't love you enough, you think so.

But then you pause, and rethink about all of those things.

You think..

If He doesn't love you enough, it's impossible to get through life this far.
If He doesn't love you enough, you might be end up in a jail, or in the street begging for money.
Instead, you're in your bedroom, surfing the internet, still eat good food, still have a good sleep.
If He doesn't love you enough, you might be dead several months ago in a car accident.
But hey, He saved you that day.
If He doesn't love you enough................ you might found the courage to suicide long time ago.
But hey, He gave you love and hope.
If He doesn't love you enough...... no, that's a silly 'if'.

Then you rethink..

He loves you enough.
He is there when things get rough.
He is there when people are leaving.
He is there in your sleepless and teary nights.
He is there. He maybe silent. But He is there.
you know. you maybe not see Him, but you feel Him.
you feel He hugs you in the nights you cry on your pillow.
you feel His comforting presence when you scream loudly in your heart.
you know, you feel, you trust Him.
yes, in the deepest of your heart, you trust Him.

and you know what, when things get scattered, you have to trust what your deepest heart says, because it's the place where Christ lives inside of you.

and sst.. listen, what it says.....

it says, God loves you, for who you are. No matter how hard you fall, no matter how much you fail, no matter how screw you are, no matter how ugly you look, no matter how much prettier, more holy, more radical people around you, God loves you still.

Yes, at least, this what my deepest heart told me today, and everyday when i start to doubt it again.

*currently love 10.000 reasons song by Matt Redman*