She will have no fear of bad news; her heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. (Psalm 112:7)

Wonderfully complex

"Loe lagi kenapa sih emanknya?" tanya Marsya langsung tanpa basa-basi kepada sahabatnya itu ketika mereka janjian bertemu di sebuah cafe setelah sekian lama tidak bersua.
"Emanknya kenapa?" 
"You look, weary... Your posting di sosmed, i know you're not okay.."
"Hm, you know me so well. Hm, well... I even don't know what happen to me." Keyla menghela nafas panjang, menyeruput hot chocolate yang ada di depannya, sambil memandang ke sekeliling cafe yang pagi ini masih sepi. 

"Kadang gwe berpikir, i'm not worth loving. When someone loves me so much, my human desire is to run away, to unconsciously hurt him by doubting his love." lanjutnya.
"Why?"
"I don't know. To test him if he really means everything he said?"
"And have you found the answer? He loves you so much, doesn't he?"
"Hm.. ya."

"Hati-hati, jangan terus berlari karena tahu akan dikejar. Jangan membiarkan keragu-raguan menguasai hati dan pikiran elo padahal elo tau the truth. The truth that, he loves you so much with all his heart. He is willing to give the best for you. He doesn't care what you did, he doesn't care how much you have wronged, he never blames you, he never records your mistake. He loves you so much Key.. What makes you doubt him?
".... i don't know. Because his love too perfect for me. It's nonsense. Because somehow i feel, unworthy, unloving."
"That's only in your mind. Your mind is the enemy of his love, because his love is simply illogical." 
".. gitu ya?"

Marsya tersenyum lembut. Sembari memakan hazelnut cookies yang ia pesan di cafe, ia memeluk sahabatnya itu, membiarkan tetesan air mata Keyla menetes di blouse pink yang ia kenakan. 

"Jadi sekarang, jangan lari lagi ya. Don't doubt, just believe. We all once were unworthy and unloving yet now we are worth loving. Believe in his love, despite all your doubt, your weakness, you imperfectness, he loves you so much Key"


Psalm 139

For the choir director: A psalm of David.

O Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
12     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you.

13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
    They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
    they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
    you are still with me!

19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
    Get out of my life, you murderers!
20 They blaspheme you;
    your enemies misuse your name.
21 O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
    Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
    for your enemies are my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Seberapa jauh kamu berlari, seberapa hitam kamu menghitamkan dirimu dengan tujuan kamu mau kabur dari kasih-Nya. Let me tell you, you never even can run away from His love. You will always caught by His Love. This verses explain enough.

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I write because He is exist. I write because His Grace manifested in my life. I write so one day when I lack of Hope and Faith I can reread all His goodness and mercy that ever happened in my life and my Faith will rise up, in Christ alone.